03 October 2008

The Presidential Candidates: Gary Ruff

Ruff anticipates certain criticisms of his independent campaign with a sort of FAQ list under the heading "About Gary." One of the questions is: "You are just using this campaign to promote your music, yes?"

In his answer, Ruff reflects on the multitasking efforts of celebrities from Michael Jordan to Fred Thompson. He concludes: "My point is this: When you are good at one thing, very very good, have another thing you are good at that can act as a way of releasing the pressure of being great.Many pro athletes take up golf. It is a release. I wonder what Tiger Woods is great at (besides Golf)? I am a politician. I love music. Whether I become great at one of these, time will tell. But I always pursue both. Michael Jordon thinks he is as great as a Baseball player as he is a Basketball player. I do too."

I'm not sure what he means. Does he agree that Michael Jordan is equally great at baseball and basketball? Does he believe that he, Gary Ruff, is equally skilled in both sports? Or did he mean to say he's equally qualified as a musician and a politician?

Answering the question, "Who is Gary Ruff," he answers: "I used to wait tables. I did attend college in Ohio. Now, I live in Dallas, Texas. I have been to the President's personal home, when I worked hard as a carpet cleaner. I have seen both sides of rich and poor. The rich live very well. (And FYI, I did not see anything unusual under George's bed).Now I drive a semi truck, and I love this job. Yes, it is very hard work. It saddens me to see the Government giving away good American jobs to other countries by selling our highways off and letting illegals in to drive our roads. It saddens me to see that our Government does not want to protect our borders. "

Back to sports metaphors: "It's late in the fourth quarter. It's about 3rd down and the game is on the line. Worse yet, we have cheating referees. We have a cheating opponent. We have a cheating coach on the other side. The odds are so much against us. But, I believe that with God's help, the cheaters, the liars, and the career politicians will lose. American's will win! Maybe in overtime, but we WE WILL WIN!"

"We" may win, but Ruff doubts that he will -- win the presidency, that is. But what if he does? Not that he's making a serious effort, but what if he wins? I usually start with Iraq, but I worry that I may end there. What do you think?

It is somewhat simple. We need to control part of this region for the security of America, its allies, and for the promotion of peace in this world.
As a gesture in good faith, part of Iraq will become the 51st State in America. It will be called, "Iraq". The other part will be allocated to the United Nations, and to other countries that supported the war in Iraq. It MAY include provisions for Russia, China and other economic
powers of the world. It will be named the "Baghdad Province".This region (the "non-American part") will include Baghdad, and be called the "Baghdad Province", until a new name is established. At the point of the Persian Gulf, America will retain 50 percent port access, while the other half will be given to the "Baghdad Province".At the northern region, the new Iraq (51st State of America) will border Turkey and continue on for 100 miles of the border with Iran.


Thankfully, Ruff allows us to summarize his platform. The scheme quoted above is one of eleven points. The rest include legalizing marijuana, securing the borders, lowering the drinking age, abolishing the IRS, reducing gas prices to $1.50 a gallon, unionizing workers around the world, reducing frivolous lawsuits, providing healthcare for $10 a week and best of all, "restore our constitutional rights."

Meanwhile, I couldn't resist looking under the heading, "God." Here he sounds a note of alarm: "We are coming to a time and era when people are trying to take away our history and culture as a nation. Not just taking away "God", but our historical and cultural background! They want to wipe it away like it never happened. They want to desecrate God in the name of free speech. " His response: "I want respect towards my God, Jesus Christ, without any defamation, and the same respect towards others' God. I want the First Amendment to stay the same, while we add another Amendment to accomplish these goals; the goals of preserving our history and culture as a nation."

"I Like it RUFF!" is his campaign slogan. I clicked on the link, fearing the worst, but it was only an offer to send an official campaign t-shirt, bearing the slogan, in return for a $2,000 campaign donation. In his defense, he makes the offer as a joke, inviting people to make their own t-shirts if they prefer, but noting, "Which other candidate actually gives you something back for the money you contribute?" The answer is quite a few, based on what I've seen, and that's just taking souvenirs into consideration. All candidates promise to give you something back in the form of national service, so Ruff's comment is silly in a way that's characteristic of his entire campaign.

Ruff set up his campaign website last fall, and maintains a blog with up-to-date commentary. On the bailout plan, he says, "Whether we pay the 700 billion dollars or not, the nation will go into a Depression. It will be felt worldwide. There will be a war. And soon after all will be good again. I base this on similar crisis in the past of all history of man." At least he takes the long view. His advice: "True Americans will survive this economic downturn. Replace the caviar with Ramen Noodles... we can do it. And never again in the future shall we let them get this far from taking our rights, our wealth, and our freedom to speak (I imagine they will try that next)."

I've sort of lost patience with frivolous candidates like Ruff, but my purpose is to bring them before the public, regardless of my own judgment, which I freely offer anyway. Since he doesn't expect to win, his creative energies could be better expended on finding another candidate to endorse.

2 comments:

crhymethinc said...

Any idiot who uses "God" as part of their campaign doesn't even deserve to be allowed to run.

Unfortunately, "deserve ain't got nothing to do with it."

crhymethinc said...

After checking out his website, may I add a quote from that political savant, Bugs Bunny;
"Wat a maroon."